Was so high that I was jumping up & down in Robinsons

*tsk* *tsk*

I feel so "shameful" of my own "child-like" actions as a result of my hormonal adjustment in the body. Yes imagine a grown woman of 32 yrs old, jumping up and down in excitement in a departmental store! I was HYPER!

I simply cannot control my excitement nor my hyper-activeness. There were a zillion energy bubbles running through my body yesterday afternoon telling me that everything is so "fun" & "exciting". I do not know what sparked it off at such peaks, if I was alone without a limit on my credit card, I think I would have to file for bankruptcy soon. The amount of things that I want to bring home without a hesitation or second thoughts are like EVERYthing in the store! I had to consciously tell myself to ConTrol!

I think its a good idea to stay OUT of the stores for a long long time to come.... or at least till my next jab on monday.

Not sure if its also because I stopped taking the TCM for 3days (since friday) and the combination of "reduced" TCM and accumulated hormonal jab in the body that is causing this super High syndrome.

Maybe I should be in another country at this time of the month, so that whatever embrassing behaviour would NOT be categorised into the little black books and the chances of being recognised is reduced to the minimal! haha

Insomania for 1 week

Yes, some days, I'm like a walking zombie, because I would simply lie in bed AWAKE!

I tried to go to bed later so that I can be really really tired before i go to bed, nope doesnt work.

I tried to go to bed earlier so that I can be asleep longer, doesnt work.

There are nights when I have a hard time falling asleep.

There are nights when I wake up in the middle of the night and takes 1-3hrs to fall back asleep by then, its almost time to WAKE UP!

There are nights when I get a combination of Both!

Last night was the worse, went to bed at 1am thinking that I would be super tired, but I was simply tossing and turning on the bed! Instead, I was up till about 3 or 4am before I finally drifted into sleep and then I woke up again! took me a while before I finally went to sleep but it was barely sufficient rest! So instead of taking bus/train to work, I had to catch a cab so that I can get an extra hr of rest on the bed.

*boo* *hoo* *hoo*

I'm hoping that this phenomena is not a result of my TCM attempt at reducing the "side-effects" of the anti-hormonal jab. Since I've been taking that med for 3weeks now. So I'm going to stop the chinese herbal med and see if I can sleep better for the next few days.

God Bless ME!

TMC to reduce side effects

Treating endometriosis with western medication usually involve a two-step approach, surgery to remove as much of the diseased tissues as possible followed by anti-hormonal injections to stop menstration, a stimulation of menopause, a resting state for the system.

With the injections, the side effects are many, some of them getting under skin at times, especially when I'm dead tired and lie on the bed wondering when will I fall asleep! Or when I can feel a sudden rush of emotions, gushing through my body, telling me to scream! Or when someone asks me "how am I doing?" I break down in tears and cry!

Finally, with some encouragement, I went to seek alternate medication, not just for the hope of getting pregnant, but more so for building up my body, to be strong again.

The practioner at Eu Yen Sang's specialist branch on gyneacology was very sympathetic of my condition, she could not stop scribbling my long medical history, filling up almost the whole entire blank page. At the same time, she shared that there were many women in their menopausal state that experienced the same side effects as I did! ha ha ha

So she prescribed me some chinese medication that I've to take 3times a day, pour the powder in some warm water, mix well and drink. Its tough to keep up with this routine as oppose to the simipler pill popping methods, but it does seems to have its merits!

I can sleep better, control my mood/temper a little better. but the backaches are still terrible. oh well, we'll take it one step at a time.

I am menopausing

I finally realised that whatever I am experiencing now is similar to what menopausal women experience!

I can hardly believe that I am going through menopause. its an horrible experience but thank God I know it will come to an end in 6months, what about those women who are undergoing menopause? How long do they suffer for? poor souls

I have mood swings, water retention, often thirsty, insominia, dry skin, frequent loss of memory (absent mindedness?), backaches, lethagy, and I cannot remember what else.

Most shocking info was loss of memory! Because, Ad was asking me about dining somewhere with someone and I totally cannot remember!

After this experience, I am alot more sympathetic towards those who are experiencing menopause now.

Please know that you are NOT at fault for being different, difficult, confused, lost most of the time. It the changes in your body that you are trying to get use to.

But it will be YOUR fault if you vent your anger, frustrations, discomforts on others though.

There are many ways to ease some of these symtops, be it taking lots of supplements, hormonal replacement therapy, alternative medicine like acupuncture or massages. Do it!

Do not take it for granted that your life will be miserable for the rest of your time.

Take charge and WANT to get better, be happier!

It will take ALOT of self control to stay positive, stay focused on being healthy and happy. But you can do it!

(can you tell that i'm on the happy side of my mood? ha ha ha)

I keep battering myself

I keep telling myself that I'm not good enough. that whatever I did was not good enough.

That's been happening for months already.

I have a report sitting on my lap for over 6mths, I'm a perfectionist and also a procrastinator. I cannot submit whatever I have because I dun think its good enough, the longer it sits on my lap, the more I think I'm not good enough.

I need to learn how to love myself and encourage myself.

Women should give themselves more credit that they deserve!

I feel ARGHHH

There a million energy bubbles trying to burst out of me. I am so restless, I have something that I want to complete but am unable to fully do so because of my lack of knowledge and skill at completing it. The time taken to be fully train to master the art of completion is making me feel ARGHH!!

How do I sit still and focus?

Help!

Increasing intensities of frustrations

Last week, there was this night when I felt extreme frustration over nothing!

There was so much pent up anger and a million bubbles trying to jump out of my skin that I could not fall asleep. I knew that if I were to vent my anger or frustration at my hubby, it would be extremely unfair, so I forced myself to go to bed.

The feeling of discomfort emotionally started in the evening when I had to rush to a few places before heading home to get food into my stomache. When I got home, food was not ready as promised by my hubby, instead, he only came back after 9pm. I wanted to go to bed early but because of the late dinner, I could not be sleeping at 10pm that night. (I was feeling abit agitated by not being able to carry out my plan of having an early night)

Over dinner, we caught part of a reality show in the final episode, just before the announcement of the results, during the commercial break, my hubby asked me to find something for him in the study. We searched for a long time and could not find it, and i missed the results of the show. I was really really pissed!!

I slammed my mobile phone onto the table, thankfully over a stack of newspapers to soften its landing and I knew I would go into a fit if I were to talk anymore to anyone. There was simply too much anger & frustrations inside me.

This was not the only incident when I feel like I'm not myself. I become alot more self-centered. I used to be alot more caring about others and able to put others' interest before mine, but now, I often think of myself first. Feeling injustified that others do not think likewise.

I am just shock at how much effects this tiny thing called hormones can have on my body. Besides just stopping menstration, it is turning me around emotionally and creating a different me that I do not personally like.

I hope I can survive through the next two months without further hassle.....

just two more jabs to go....