Getting sensitive or getting numbed?

I cannot figure if the "truth" & facts are finally dawning onto me. Or that I'm still struggling with the "unfairness" of my situation.

There are days when I stopped looking toward building our own family because the chances seems so slim. Its probably easier to strike TOTO first prize then for it to happen.

Then when people asked, teased us about setting up our family. All the emotions of having to tell them surfs to the surface of my emotions. Yes, I still do feel left out. I feel left behind in this world where everyone, almost everyone feels that its natural to set up a family after a few years of marriage. I want to too! I have been wanting that since a young adult before marriage! But it does seems like it wont happen to me.

I feel its soooo unfair, where others take it for granted, while I prayed, worked, spent years with doctors on this and yet, I'm still like on the same spot. Never moved forward a single bit. While others makes it look so easy to just have a family when they want to. *BLEAH*

I feel scared too. I'm scared out of the shit of meself.

I know that God provides. He has provided before and is still providing.

Am I praying for the wrong thing? Or wrong way? Or or or or or or or.....

The million of questions will continue to linger on until we get a clear clear clear clear word from the big guy up there.