Why am I Bothered?

Different people have different ways of handling different situations.

Some prefer to run away, some prefer to face them head on.

I belong to the latter group, while I seems to be surrounded by people belonging to the former group.

Does it mean that if a nasty experience between two persons never gets mentioned nor brought up again, things can get back to the way they were?

I dun believe so, at least it doesn't work that way for me.

More than 6 months ago, I had a nasty encounter with a used-to-be close friend. It was so nasty because there was nothing I can do to convince him that I had nothing to do with his misunderstanding of me. It was nasty to be misunderstood, to be accused of an action which I never did nor will do. It was nasty because it came from a used-to-be close friend. If it was an acquaintance, perhaps I can understand that that person dun really understand me well enough to know that I can never hurt another person that way. It was terribly nasty because the accusation did not stop at one or two or three messages. It came fast & furious in greater numbers.

After the 2nd nasty sms, I decided to have a neutral response to not spin the relationship any worse than it already was in. I thought that a cooling period was a good idea to let each of us reflect on what could have been mis-interpreted.

But no, that was not enough and the nasty messages kept coming, regardless of how much I try to reconcile. This person was not listening. It became evident that I was not good enough for him as a his friend. Alot of nasty accusations came out to tell me that I'm simply NOT good enough.

So I accepted things that way. Since I cannot convince him that I've not done what he accused me of. And since I've not been a friend to him in his way.

I prayed hard and often, I was prompted by the Holy Spirit to reconcile asap. To trash all the unhappiness away instead of letting them fester. Not wanting to push this person further away, I used a softer approach, I emailed him with very short and precise messages to ask him out for reconciliation at his own time.

Months later, there were still no response from him. So I decided to pluck up my courage to call him. Against all my discomforts, not knowing how the conversation will turn out to be. I wanted to listen to the Holy Spirit to mend this broken bridge. Sadly, this friend's response was, he was not ready to face me one to one. Group ok.

I'm not sure what does this mean. I have never been in this situation before.

Am I that fearful? Ha ha

So months later, in a group-party, I dare not even talk to him one-one because I'm not sure if that constituent facing me alone!
Such awkwardness.

Another few weeks had passed and I decided to organize another group gathering, nope, he did not respond to my 1st invite. Not giving up, I re-send my invitation, this time with a "I dunno if I can make it" reply. Fine. So on that day itself, I had to re-invite again. At least this time, I got a definite "Sorry I'm not coming" reply.

Honest to God, I believed I've tried beyond my comfort zones to close the gap.

But I cannot do this alone.

Why am I so bothered? Because when this person needs help or prayers, he will request for it. Not once but multiple times!

MAN!

I remembered the last time he went on a risky overseas work trip and I was so terribly worried that I prayed so hard till I was shaken in tears. Our church friends was wondering what had happened to me. i was just so worried and wanted him to be protected. That was all.

Thankfully, he returned safely from his trip. During which he said that he felt that he had special protection by the Holy Spirit thanks to the prayers from everyone of us. I said a huge prayer of thanks too upon hearing that. Indeed it was a testimonial of how powerful our prayers can be.

Years later, this friend forgot about the prayers but faulted me for not remembering the dates accurately for his risky assignment.

I was hurt. Very hurt.

I was convinced that when someone don't really like you, they'll pick up the smallest, the most insignificant things about you to be used as bullets against you.

Is there such a need? Between two human beings? Let alone between two believers in God?

Today, after he has made multiple requests for prayers & loaded my inbox with unnecessary information, I am trying to wonder if I'm considered a friend or not.

I feel disgusted to be treated like this, I'm a friend when I'm needed. I'm a nobody or worse a busybody when he needs someone to vent out his frustrations.

This person has created too much negative energy in me. I think it could be time to let him go.