Still Angry on Retrospect

My doc once commented that I have a body that is 10yrs older than who I really am. Which means that my biological clock is running faster than the actual world time clock. If he's proven right (which I will explain WHY he's most likely right later) does it mean I can go on some Guiness Book of Records?

A decade ago, I lost one of my ovaries to an incompetent surgeon who was only concerned about doing what is probably the "book-correct" way of extracting anything foreign that he sees in the body, without considering the age/sex/consequences/social impact/financial impact on this patient.

With my failed first attempt at IVF, I can most certainly believe that my body clock is ticking away much faster due to the loss of one of the main "youth-generating" machines in my body. Imagine if most people age 1year at a time, I'm doing like 2years in that time. Which means in the last decade, I would have aged another decade.

Which is kinda true based on physical evidence as follows:

1. My skin is constantly dry lacking moisture (which was hardly an issue in the past)

2. Freckles spourt out on my face overnight.

3. Super low in metabolism experienced in an almost overnight fashion, staying up at late nights can take up to a week to overcome.

4. Disrupted sleeping patterns, my mum has been telling me that older folks do not need as much sleep in the night... but they end up feeling tired throughout the day (which is what I feel in the past 2yrs)

5. Ovaries are creating empty shells.

6. Ovaries are also having eggs that are unable to mature to its final stage ready for fertilisation with the sperm (technical term is Metaphase II - learnt it in school, never thought that I'll hear this term again, nor thought that it'll happen to me, maybe I should donate some blood or some ovary tissues for some experimentations)

7. Increased in mood swings, feeling agitated easily. (am I going into premature menopause??)

8. Cuts & bites take a much longer time to heal, they used to go away after 1week & 2 days respectively, now, its like 1month & 2 weeks. (scars from operations, blood tests & mossie bites are living proof)

9. I prefer a quieter time at home rather than going out and basking in crowds (isnt that a sign of aging?)

Are these enough evidence that I am aging faster than I should be? Could all these be simply due to the loss of my ovary a decade ago?

I keep thinking that if I still had my other ovary, the chances of a sucessful IVF would have doubled, because there would be MORE opportunities for 2 ovaries to produce good quality eggs rather than ONE.

yes am angry!

Nope not happening

It was a pretty steep uphill climb for us during this month of IVF treatment, while we were excited about the possible outcomes of a bigger family, we were also scared of failures.

Especially my hubby, he did not want to have any expectations because he was so afraid of it not happening.

In a way, I took his non-chalent attitude as if he din care much. But his actions showed that he cared very much, in fact much more than myself.

The daily injections was taking a toll on me as I started with taking the injections early in the morning to cater for going to work, however, later on in the program, work became more flexible, I was able to do it at home hence I was just waking up in the morning to inject myself and going back to sleep. My body was really exhausted in a way, I sleep more than 12 hrs a day. (yep resulting in me not being very productive).

The days draw near for the eggs extraction procedure but I was filled with fear rather than excitement. The "performance" of the eggs in my body does not seems to respond well to the hormonal jabs. Hence we did not see many matured eggs in the ovary, due to timing in the cycle for the body, we were forced to extract whatever we could find.

Only to discover that the two biggest looking "eggs" where actually blanks. (aka empty shells). After some digging, my doc found two other less mature eggs and extracted them. There's good chance that they will mature nicely in the lab and be fertilised and develop and be ready to be implanted after 3 days.

3 days came and went. The eggs have yet to be matured.

*sad* *very sad*

Doc say, give it another few more days to mature, if it does, they will fertilised the eggs with the sperm and if it develops sucessfully, then it'll be frozen and wait for my next menstral cycle before they can put it back in.

Doc was trying to cheer us up by telling us that they have a higher success rate for frozen embryos to reach full pregnancy then those that were used fresh.

Hence, we are taking it that its not happening.

However, there is still a chance, a small, tiny, mini chance. If God will bless us. Now.