Feeling the heat

After my last jab, doc say the longer I dun get menses the better, it means the effects of the jab is able to last longer, meaning more effective in defeating the evil endometriosis condition.

Since then, I've been having HOT Flushes daily even hourly. This incredibly warm feeling comes and goes at its will, causing me to feel immensely hot for a few mins and having to yank off my fleece jacket in my chilly lab and then a few mins later, when the flushes disappear, I have to slip the fleece back on again! so troublesome.

And yes, I'm getting alot more snappy too! :( poor hubby, he's suffering the "effects" of the jab besides myself.

Hopefully all this will go away in a few months, the dilemma, you dun want it to go away very very soon because you hope that the effects of the drugs stay on making it more effective towards the condition, but you dun really enjoy its stay because of the disruption to my life. hmm...

Also, I feel so out of the norm with myself, I'm having thoughts and mindset of perhaps what I would be in another 30yrs time! The menopausal me wont be fun-loving, cheerful and outgoing I can tell.

I've "evolved" in this time to become someone I dun really recognise, I cannot relate words to my feelings, mind goes blank and have absolutely no idea why I'm standing in the kitchen or going towards the study. Its definitely not fun nor funny, if all women lives like that after 50, what's the meaning to it all?

I sense that my thoughts are more centered about myself and me only, I have to forcefully get my mind OFF myself and distract myself. Its a tough and tedious process and I wonder how long can one do that, especially when you ARE actually 50-60yrs old, surrounded by grouchy oldies who only grumble and lament about the negativities. Got 20yrs to plan how to prevent that from happening to me haha

My Anxieties have their own Anxieties

This phrase was from a famous comic strip by Charles Schulz, Peanuts Comics, said by Charlie Brown one of those times when he faces of a mountain of anxieties.

It sounded funny when I first read it in the comic strip, however on further thoughts, it made sense.

Especially when certain words or situation keeps ringing in my head.

It almost drove me nuts yesterday afternoon while I was trying hard to concentrate on getting some of my work done, there's this one sentence which my hubby commented on which kept ringing in my head!

I had to fight with myself conscieniously to drive that thought out of my mind. I just simply kept worrying!

Man, I'm glad I just had my last jab.

Hopefully all this weird feelings of me NOT being me will go away real soon!

Paradigm shift

My thought pattens have changed since the jabs started. I'm more inclined to feel sympathetic than anger. I would rather stay home to have a quiet evening then to pack the day full of activities moving from one party to another.

The reactions that I have to the same incidents that occur today and a few months ago will generate totally opposite reactions.

Strange huh?

Super energetic and then super tired

Woah the past two weeks have been interesting.

for 5 days, i lay awake in the middle of the night, often catching less than 4hrs of sleep and I would last about 5days being super energetic and accumulate huge eye bags.

then for the next two days, I was so tired that I can sleep and sleep and sleep. instead of a 24hr body clock, it seems to have stretch to a week!

so weird...

Waking up to Hot Flushes

hmm, not sure if its the insomonia that keeps me awake at night or the hot flushes through my body that wakes me up.

Nonetheless, after one night of good good sleep, the next night have my eyes wide awake at 5am!

Was so awake that I started cleaning the kitchen haha, it was something that I wanted to do but din pull up enough "energy", ended up scrubbing a wok cover for over 10mins to get the grime out haha

If it carries on like this, I can take on another job and still wont feel sleepy.

Might be a good thing also, the 2nd job can contribute towards the $ that I'll need to spend on repairing the bags under my eyes....