"Women got to suffer"

Middle of this year was a really sad time of the year for me and my family as we lost my dad during a trip which he took with mum and sis. It happened so suddenly that it took our family by storm. As he passed away overseas, we had to fly over to process the legal works to bring his body back home and delayed his wake and funeral. It was a prolong period of being deprived of good quality sleep, coupled with the stress of managing the various aspects of a funeral including close monitoring of mum's healthy and mood. After resting for almost a week after dad's funeral, we were faced with legal matters of settling dad's will and estate taxation. Problems of resolving difference and opinions amongst the siblings, making arrangements for mum's permanent lodging and financing all the cost of the funeral and estate tax weighed heavily on my mind. I have sleepless nights or nights when I cry myself to sleep. I have poor appetite and often cry endlessly over nothing. My mind was in a turmoil at the sudden change of events. I was challenged to grieve for a loved one for the first time in my life.

It was tough.

I felt as if I'm in a depression. Thankfully, I have a fantastic support network of friends who would call me and just talk to me to distract me from my negative mindset. They took me out and gave me light to the other aspect of my life which I was not thinking as much of.

I quickly slipped out of depressive thoughts, however, I was still grieving deeply for the loss.

In late august, when I have picked up most of my broken pieces, I was due for another checkup and my gynea deduced that the cyst around my ovary is not of "friendly" nature. Its endometriosis!

OMG!

I never expected him to say that E word! All along I had the impression that each time the cyst was like a potential egg trying to burst out of my ovary and yes... It always seems to be in the bursting stage, perhaps the ovary walls are abit thicker and the eggs have a harder time to leave the ovary. I never imagined that I have to undergo the knife.

I knew that it was inevitable to undergo surgery to eradicate these blood clots in the ovary, but it felt like I've been hit again by a storm, the cost of surgery and time away from work would weigh me down even further now.

Just as my emotions were sliding down the deep dark hole.... One of the nurses commented that "women got to suffer".

The sense of sadness and self-pity was overwhelming. Is it not terrible enough for me to lose my dad? Now, I'm entering another black hole of the E condition. The pain of the surgery, the discomforts, the slow recovery process, it felt like another 100pounds of weight have been strapped across my shoulders, making me drag my feet harder across the path that I'm taking.

Yes, I burst out crying on the spot.